Who Are ‘They’ Anyway?

I have spent quite a lot of time in my life worrying about the opinions of other people. Possibly you have too?

What they think of my choices, my decisions, my dreams. Imagining what they might say when I fail to do something that was on my to-do list, especially if it was because of perceived laziness or procrastination. The temptation of scrolling through Instagram too strong inevitably meaning “must-do” tasks got pushed to the next day (again). The fictional narratives created by the mind spiralling into full blown novels. Imagined conversations between people of the past whose opinions still seemingly hold meaning and value even if in real life I haven’t spoken to them in years! This hubbub of they criticising and critiquing every move and action, sometimes before it has even happened. Just the thought of oversleeping the alarm resulting in being late to work or worst still, not fulfilling the 24 step morning routine that will set me up for the day, instilling a sense of shame and guilt over something that hasn’t even happened yet! Comparison of our own behind the scenes with other peoples highlight reels portrayed on social media perhaps provides an inaccurate measuring scale they use to determine if our lives our measuring up.

I think it comes down to a worry of not fitting in. Not being accepted. The evolutionary fear of being outed from our tribe that instills this constant surveillance system the mind runs on its own accord. Checking our behaviours meet the socially accepted norms we are presented with from our environments. Whether that be family belief systems, friends or perhaps the biggest they of them all - the loud thrum of blurred unknown faces - unidentifiable at a personal level as it is not individuals we know or recognise. It is the weight of a collective of people that I guess we generalise as “society” where there seems to be a set way of doing things. A standardised way of living life sneakily reinforced and repeated over and over again through the constant noise of news, adverts, social media, magazines, radio.

We are told the sort of jobs considered ‘normal’, working hours that are ‘normal’, foods to eat that are ‘normal’, clothes to wear that are ‘normal’. The gravitational strength from the pull to be accepted means we get swept along in following habits, routines and activities of ‘normal’. It has become ‘normal’ to do a job that we don’t really love 50 weeks out of the year to earn enough money for a lovely 2 week summer holiday break only to return back to the version of ‘normal’ which, at best, only feels satisfactory when we truly acknowledge how our heart, body, mind and soul feels at the end of the day.

The difficulty is the life they suggest is ‘normal’ doesn’t provide the space, stillness or silence it requires to actually check in with ourselves. To acknowledge how the actions, decisions and behaviours we conduct day after day impact how we feel; our moods, emotions, even our outlook on the world and the way in which we interpret what we see around us. To acknowledge how our heart, body, mind or soul feel is practically impossible when constantly exhausted from rushing everywhere, tired from work, stressed from keeping up with demands and deadlines. The suggested antidote of they being to numb by ‘switching off’ at the end of the day; watching another TV series, having another drink or whatever distraction technique is implemented. I am not saying TV and alcohol are bad, but I do question why some habits and behaviours are for the purpose of ‘switching off’ from life. Surely we should instead question why we are living lives we want to switch off from in the first place?

Perhaps that is where it starts. With questioning. With curiosity.

If there were no rules, no expectations, no pre-established ‘normal’. If you could simply mute the chitter chatter of the cloud of they how would you choose to live? What would create a state of peace and contentment in your heart, soul, body and mind?

Maybe it boils down to remembering the personal responsibility we have over our yes’s and no’s. How we get to decide what it is we want to show up for each day. Where we place our energy is perhaps our greatest currency. It can create the richest of lives when spent wisely.

The truth here is that only we know what this means for us. Only we know what leaves us feeling nourished and nurtured verses what depletes and drains us. So perhaps its time to turn down the volume of they. To instead sit in silence with yourself, if only to ask with kindness and curiosity who are you? What life would you like to create? For who are they anyway…

Remember what it was like when you were too young to care what ‘they’ thought!